Life

Is that it gets you excited all over again. The Potter fans that were quietly excited for the very last movie are now as giddy as they were when the last book was released.

I’ve always loved Harry Potter and I always will. The last two years or so my intense love was quieted down. Not gone but just silent. I would occasionally squeal and fangirl but overall Potter was in the back of mind, a long time friend that I think about but don’t call every day.

I’ve been more excited for all things Potter than I have since 2009. I’m going to see the last movie in Scotland and I’m going to filming locations on a Potter tour. But even so, my glee has been mostly quite in the Potter department. To me, that trip is to go back to England and Scotland and enjoy the beauty and history. That’s still the case but now I’m ten times more excited for the actual Potter portion of the trip! 

Thank you Jo, you’ve rekindled my unconstrained excitement.

Sometimes I really hate my internal clock. If I go to bed anytime before 2am I’ll be awake within an hour to an hour and a half. It has been this way forever and I doubt it will change.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep early. Like today, I’d love to go to bed at 8pm today and not wake up until the morning. But if I went to bed at 8pm I’d wake up at 10:30ish and not get back to sleep until 6am.

Maybe I should go back on medication. Being a slave of the 10 pill a day cocktail has to be better than being a slave to my depression.

I want to take a nap

Or lay down…I just want to be asleep so I’m not aware of anything.

One of the nicest times in my life was when I was under for surgery. No awareness. No dreaming. Nothing. That was wonderful :(

Gee I’m being dark today. Oh well :|

I don’t even want to play my new video game

But in my defense the game sucks

People are selfish. I take joy from my fandoms and assholes like to ruin it for me. It’s all a competition. People spoil you when you made it clear you don’t want them.

Fuck the competition and fuck the spoilers. I don’t want to know what’s going to be in the last Harry Potter movie. Fuck that shit and fuck people who have no consideration for others.

I’m sitting here with no tabs open except for this one. Slow classical is playing on my iTunes and I’m just staring at the mousepad when I’m not staring at nothing at all on my computer.

This isn’t a post looking for pity. None of these are. It’s just me saying what I’m doing…or not doing. And that’s everything. I don’t know if I’m depressed right now or apathetic. Can you be depressed if you’re apathetic? Can you have apathy if you’re depressed? :\

I hate feeling this way. Today has been terrible only because I got nothing done. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t watch a movie, I didn’t watch tv, I didn’t read, I didn’t get anything constructive done. All I did was do crap on the internet and cry.

I was just going through the motions. All I wanted to do today was sleep. I’d go to bed right now if I didn’t know I’d be awake by 10. 

I wish it were later so I could go to bed. I don’t want to be awake.

I suck